'I don’t want my ears pierced.'
'I don’t want any earrings.'
The three adults glance at each other conspiratorially and now the pressure really begins. She will look so nice, all the other girls she knows wear earrings, the pain isn’t bad.
She, the child, sees what’s coming and starts crying. As the adults up the volume so does she, she’s crying and emitting a low wail at the same time. 'I DON’T WANT MY EARS PIERCED.'
Her mother leans down and speaks to her, quietly but strongly, the only words we could hear were ‘… embarrassing me.’
We heard, then, two small screams, when the ears were pierced.
Little children learn early and often that ‘no doesn’t mean no.’
Little children learn early that no one will stand with them, even the two old men looking horrified at the events from the cafeteria.
Little girls learn early and often that their will is not their own.
No means no, yeah, right.
Most often, for kids and others without power, 'no means force.'"
—No Means Force, by Dave Hingsburger
yet this is not only applicable to little girls and children.
it relates to the marginalized in general; our NOs are often discarded as empty rebelliousness, frivolous complaints, or that we don't get what's going on nor understand our own discomfort. when "no means force," we become afraid to say no.
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